January, 2004
Penis Pump And Circumstance
The following is an excerpt from David Feldman's commencement address to graduates at Tom Wopat Community College near Boston.
Dean Coleman. Distinguished faculty, the Duchess of Hazzard, wealthy contributors currently out on bail, and class of 2003. What were the odds former First Lady Bess Truman had a scheduling conflict and I'd be available at the last minute?
We observe today not an end, but a beginning signifying renewal as well as change. Or, put another way: Most of you are taking the summer off and then going on to B school.
If life has taught me anything it is you can never dip your toe into the same river twice. Unless that river is frozen. In which case it hurts afterwards so don't bother.
Also never go into business with anyone who owns a boat. Trust me on that one.
Thomas Jefferson said the tree of liberty must occasionally be fertilized by the blood of patriots. Just a little something to keep in mind if you're ever short on Miracle-Gro.
