David Feldman is Impotent David Feldman: comedian, writer, raconteur and prizefighter.

There are so many charities that we must give to. But as a sentient being one must also serve as a patron of the arts. My father used to say, "Show me a wall with nothing on it, and I'll show you a firing squad that cleans up after itself."

I think of myself as a 16th century Medici and it's not only because I'm riddled with syphilis. Walking into my home is like stepping foot into the Louvre what with the stench of stale cigarettes, Chanel #5 and, of course, the counterfeit Monets.