David Feldman Fun Facts!
Due to a traumatic childhood episode involving a circus chimp I always sleep with one eye open.
Whenever I'm naked in a sauna with other men I constantly check to see if my fly is open.
Right before bedtime I gargle with corn sweetener.
On two separate occasions in 1983 I sneezed out a red carpenter ant.
I will only refer to Leon Trotsky by his birth name, Lev Davidovich Bronstein, even if nobody knows what I'm talking about.
My wife's father made a killing two years ago cornering the dog rental market.
It's not "pillow talk" unless I'm face down screaming into a throw cushion.
My left lung hangs a quarter inch lower than my right. So far it's only made life difficult when being measured for a suit.
My Aunt Miriam can spot a phony snuff film even before the opening credits are done.
Except for Roger in 1975, someone named Doris has always cut my hair.
Even with O.C.D. medication my corgi still can't cease the chronic self-cleansing of his filthy.
I'm currently in the process of buying the movie rights to three mildly popular black handshakes from the '60's.
The Today Show's Katie Couric once came in a dream ordering me to eat cottage cheese with ketchup. I refused to listen.
My great grandfather was the Atlantic City bookie who helped rig the Miss America pageant the year Bess Meyerson won.
I have never seen a show on CBS.
Every massage I've ever received on the chair at Brookstone came with "happy ending."
After meeting "Law and Order's" Jerry Orbach at a fundraiser for Michael Bloomberg, my wife and I immediately built a helipad so Jerry would stay with us on trips to L.A. He has not.
"Glucosamine" and "chondroitin" are my two least favorite Jerry Lewis words.
The chief perk to marrying a Feldman is Uncle Gary taking you into a back room right before the wedding ceremony begins and going over the precise differences between "used" and "pre-owned" until you have it memorized.
I have to sleep with rubber sheets for a week whenever AMC plays "Terms of Endearment."
I frequently confuse the words "foreplay" and "sobbing" whenever I'm around powerful women.
After peeling a potato I always give it a generous splash of aftershave.
My mother's brother had a 12-year affair with his own wife. It's the elephant in the room nobody talks about.
Somewhere into its third season "Mannix" stopped being funny.
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David Feldman recently had his cat's tongue pierced to heighten the sensation of her hi's and hello's.
